My onco-urologist's assistant sent me a message today that was supposed to be reassuring. Instead it was utterly demoralizing because of one word. He had called for a blood test to confirm that the Lupron was indeed lowering my testosterone level because my PSA (blood indicator for prostate cancer) had not fallen to the expected level.

He said, "Your testosterone level is castrate".

While completely medically accurate, I found it to be shockingly insensitive. When I saw the word, my heart leapt to my throat and a wave of anxiety swept over me. The horror of what's happening to my body pummeled me. I've been despondent all day because of it.

Should I give him feedback of my reaction? Is that inappropriate - biting the hand that cures me? Should I just stay silent and take it?

Throughout my treatment, the cancer care team has emphasized how important it is to keep a positive attitude. Lupron forces emotional instability on me and I can be knocked down by a single word.

This is hell.

#cancer