Them: “We’re a fast-paced, lean, agile operation that moves boldly forward at all times. Unlike our legacy competitors we value speed of execution most of all, allowing us to continually adjust our products to meet the ever changing requirements of an ever-evolving market. Like all employees, you’ll be empowered to make decisions knowing that we know everyone makes mistakes from time to time, and learning from them is the fastest path to success.”

Also, them: “To be a successful applicant, you’ll have an interview first with someone from people and culture, followed by a direct manager interview, then a three-peer assessment interview. Passing this stage you will need to complete a brief, take home assessment set by the CTO, and then present your results to a technical review board. After this there’ll be a seven person dynamic assessment. Passing this stage you will need your navigate a crocodile infested river to attend a face to face meeting with Adam, our resident Guru for Malapropisms, who will conduct the final review exclusively in koans.”

(How most tech #job ads read these days. #interviews.)