Since sharing my story about my medically necessary hysterectomy at 24… I’ve been told I’m an inadequate woman, my illness was my fault because I neglected my duty to procreate, that I’m scaring other women away FROM procreating and a failure.

One person called me a dried up bitter wench whose uterus “crapped out” when I got old because I didn’t have children. Meanwhile I was diagnosed infertile at 19… I would hardly call that old! I was told I couldn’t survive pregnancy at 21… and then the hysterectomy was a medical emergency at 24. Yet still - I’m blamed.

I know there will always be trolls - but believe me I’ve heard all this (and worse) in real life. I learned within about 3 months of surgery to never speak of it because of how poorly I was treated. It impacted my dating life, healthcare (so many pregnancy tests and accusations of being “confused” about what surgery I had) and caused significant medical PTSD that to this day makes it hard for me to access healthcare.

Please tell me again how women aren’t seen as incubators? How there’s no misogyny? Because if you say these things flippantly to women who are finally speaking out about their experiences - that’s 100% the message you’re sending.

I don’t say this for sympathy - I say it more to hold myself accountable. To remind myself that I had every right to tell my story … and that this type of negativity is the reason it took me twenty years to share it. That’s twenty years that my experiences may have potentially helped another young person going through a similar situation.

We can’t be scared into silence. There will always be people who see those of us without children and/or without a womb as “less than”… but they’re wrong. The best way to change the perception of childless people is to keep speaking out and challenging these ridiculous viewpoints. So I’m going to keep speaking out - and I will encourage others to do the same. I welcome them to tell their own story of reproductive health challenges on any of my posts, on my website or in a DM. I’m happy to listen, encourage and support where I can.

As an aside - this attitude exists in healthcare too where it does WAY more damage. From 16-19 I was repeatedly told I should get pregnant and that might “fix” my painful periods. 19-21 I was told that I was likely infertile and that I should start preparing for difficulties finding a husband. 21-24 I spent begging them to give me a hysterectomy because my quality of life had vanished - I was bedridden most of the time.

I was always told no - and usually because I might want children, meet a man who wants children and/or feel differently once I was “in love”.

They had told me that pregnancy would more than likely be impossible and/or KILL me … yet apparently once I was “in love” I would want to give it the ol college try anyways.

The medical establishment failed me - like they fail so many people who need reproductive healthcare. They waited until I was bleeding out to perform the hysterectomy, left me with severe post operative complications and neglected to handle them properly as well.

My sincere hope is that NO one has to go through what i went through - yet I know that people go through it every single day. Some don’t live to tell their stories. So I will keep telling mine in the hopes of gaining more allies who can help us fight for better healthcare.

I wrote two articles on this topic for anyone who wants to read more in depth. The first one chronicles my journey up to the emergency hysterectomy: https://www.disabledginger.com/p/pregnancy-will-likely-kill-you-but

The second one covers the post operative complication and the severe gaslighting and neglect that nearly cost me my life: https://www.disabledginger.com/p/my-most-dangerous-er-experience-and

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Pregnancy Will Likely Kill You but You May Want Babies!

A look at misogyny in medicine, bodily autonomy, infertility and the struggles women face with not being trusted to make decisions for their own body.

^{Broadwaybabyto (The Disabled Ginger)}

When I was 21…I was told I was likely infertile and that pregnancy could and probably would kill me. I was denied a tubal ligation and/or hysterectomy because I “might meet a man who wants kids”.

It was a horrifying look at how deep misogyny runs in medicine - and how little women are trusted to know their own bodies and make decisions for their health.

I eventually had the hysterectomy- but only once it became an emergency because I was bleeding to death and they couldn’t stop it. The surgery was more traumatizing and dangerous because I wasn’t afforded the time to adequately prep.

I’m grateful to have survived - and sharing my story in the hopes it helps other women feel less alone. I hope it challenges doctors and healthcare workers to think differently about how they treat women and realize that not ALL of us can become mothers (and not all of us WANT to either).

At the end of the day - a man wouldn’t have had these issues if he wanted a vasectomy. He would have been trusted to know his body. He wouldn’t have been treated like an incubator and I sincerely doubt many men are asked whether they’ve considered that they could meet their “dream woman” and she might be angry about their sterility.

There’s no stigma about the childless cat man.

https://www.disabledginger.com/p/pregnancy-will-likely-kill-you-but

#CovidIsAirborne #CovidCautious #CovidIsNotOver #CleanAir #WearaMask #Disability #LongCovid #Ableism #Denial #CleanAir #Pandemic #PublicHealth #InfectionControl #Eugenics #SafeHealthcare #N95 #Respirators #Spoonie #Discrimination #Dysautonomia #mecfs #pots #mcas #communitycare #chronicillness #keepmasksinhealthcare #endometriosis #abortion #womenshealth #reproductiverights #gynecology #misogyny #infertility #childlesscatlady #bodilyautonomy